Many of you who know me through social settings will know what I'm about to reveal. Most of you who know me professionally have no idea what I'm about to reveal. Since my early 20's I have been a smoker. Not a cigarette smoker as typically defined by the term smoker. But a Black and Mild smoker, little cigars with pipe tobacco in them.
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For years I didn't even consider myself a smoker. After all, I didn't take smoke breaks. I never got to the point of having withdrawal symptoms if I didn't have one. I smoked because I enjoyed it. I smoked thinking any time I wanted I could put them down for good and be no worse for wear.
Around five years ago is when I first started thinking that I was probably addicted to the damn things. I never chain smoked or anything like that. In fact, for most of the years I smoked, it was usually one a day and definitely no more than two. I never took smoke breaks at work. And for the most part since I've been with the ol' battleaxe, most of my 'more than one a day' smokes have come at bars.
With all that said, on an impulse (though I'd been considering it for awhile), I bought some nicorette yesterday. I'm starting to feel like the smoking is taking it's toll on my workouts and don't like the thought of that at all. I have virtually stopped going to bars as most of my closest bar buddies have moved or are no longer geographically desirable. But most importantly, I don't want either of my kids to see me smoking, ever.
Weird thing is I never really thought of myself as having cravings. I knew I would have my black after the family was asleep out on the patio with a good book. That was enough to prevent me from smoking or having what I guess would be withdrawal symptoms. But today, all day, I've been thinking about how I'm not going to have that black tonight. And it's driving me out of my mind.
So I guess this is where the Nicorette comes in. I hope it's enough but geez I'd love to sit out there with a good book on a beautiful night like tonight.
