Devin: I want to watch a movie.
Daddy: With all these new toys, you want to watch a movie? Maybe next Christmas, we should tell Santa you don't need any new toys.
Devin: Nooo, but we can give the old toys to babies.
Daddy: Maybe we should give the new ones too!
Devin: But the babies will put them in their mouth and slobber on them.
Talia: The babies will slobber on them!
Daddy: Yeah but at least they...
Talia: I talking first...the babies will slobber on them and that's yucky!
Devin: Not all babies 'cause they grow up.
Talia: And then the caterpillar becomes a butterfly.
Daddy: Uh yes.
Devin: Well first, it goes into a coccoon and then it becomes a butterfly.
I'm not sure where I lost control of this conversation but the lesson I was trying to teach was definitely lost in the segue way to butterflies.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thoughtful Revenge
First a warning, language is reverting to pre 2006 Xpinionated form.
An Ohio woman is suing her ex-boyfriend slash tattoo artist for tattooing shit on her back.
No. Literally, he tattooed shit. On her back.
Long story short. Guy dates girl. They break up. Guy finds out girl was banging a close friend of his. Guy fights the urge to blow up about it and instead plays nice. Girl falls for nice ex act. Gets drunk. Signs consent forms for 'artist discretion'. Girl thinks she is getting Narnia but gets shit. On her back.
One may ask where she went wrong.
5. Wanting any scene from Narnia on your back is a recipe for disaster. In fact, it may be better that what's on her back now is there because Narnia sucks. I assume -- guess I could take the time to watch it. The Narnia exhibit at that Disney Studios park thing sucked.
4. Relying on your ex-anything to provide top notch service is rarely the smartest choice. Just as having a tattoo artist boyfriend comes with it's perks, you must also accept the loss of benefits when breaking up with said artist. Stupidity is often repaid in oh so fateful ways.
3. Drinking with ex-anythings is also rarely the smartest choice. Best case scenario? There is some casual lovin' and further regret or questioning of the break up. Worst Case scenario? A tattoo of shit. On your back.
2. Innebriated signature on consent forms. As a general rule, once you start drinking, don't sign anything that isn't a tab. Ever. EVER.
1. If you are going to cheat on someone, have whatever decency is left o at least pick a stranger. Or at the very least, choose a rarely seen acquaintance.
Revenge when thoughtful is often the best way to serve revenge.
An Ohio woman is suing her ex-boyfriend slash tattoo artist for tattooing shit on her back.
No. Literally, he tattooed shit. On her back.
Long story short. Guy dates girl. They break up. Guy finds out girl was banging a close friend of his. Guy fights the urge to blow up about it and instead plays nice. Girl falls for nice ex act. Gets drunk. Signs consent forms for 'artist discretion'. Girl thinks she is getting Narnia but gets shit. On her back.
One may ask where she went wrong.
5. Wanting any scene from Narnia on your back is a recipe for disaster. In fact, it may be better that what's on her back now is there because Narnia sucks. I assume -- guess I could take the time to watch it. The Narnia exhibit at that Disney Studios park thing sucked.
4. Relying on your ex-anything to provide top notch service is rarely the smartest choice. Just as having a tattoo artist boyfriend comes with it's perks, you must also accept the loss of benefits when breaking up with said artist. Stupidity is often repaid in oh so fateful ways.
3. Drinking with ex-anythings is also rarely the smartest choice. Best case scenario? There is some casual lovin' and further regret or questioning of the break up. Worst Case scenario? A tattoo of shit. On your back.
2. Innebriated signature on consent forms. As a general rule, once you start drinking, don't sign anything that isn't a tab. Ever. EVER.
1. If you are going to cheat on someone, have whatever decency is left o at least pick a stranger. Or at the very least, choose a rarely seen acquaintance.
Revenge when thoughtful is often the best way to serve revenge.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
My Top 5 Gym Guy Faux Pas
Arguably, I may be considered a gym rat. I do enjoy the weight room, the inner battle within oneself to push for one more rep. The good pain, the swell feeling, all of it has become very addictive for me.
With that said, there are still some things that need to be taken into consideration for the enjoyment of all. This is where my faux pas come in....or is it faux pi in plural form....
5. Singing Music Guy - I understand different folks get motivated in different ways. In the gym, music is the motivator of choice. Awesome. Unless you have headphones in and sing out loud. I don't use headphones like many others in the facility, so we hear you.....often. If you can't listen to it without singing, change the song. Better yet, if you are still able to sing while working out, there's a good chance you aren't working hard enough. Pick it up!
4. Mobile Phone call Guy - It's a lunchtime workout. It makes perfect sense that one may receive a call that they have to take. It does not make sense for you to take said call on a machine or at a bench with your towel, keys, and gym bag. Move your shit and let somebody get their pump on.
3. "I don't work in" Guy - Let me paint a picture: You're getting it in. Doing work. You head over to the cable fly machine. And it's in use by some dude and his friend. You ask to work in. Dude says "We only have three more sets" Ass. Three more sets times two dudes is six sets. Add an additional 5 minutes for the idle chitchat workout partners usually bring and we're talking a ten minute wait. Just let me get my sets in with you and keep it moving. Again, Ass I say.
2. Weight Dropper Guy - You're focused. Then CLANG BANG CLANG CLANG. Weight dropper guy just finished a set. In an effort to show how serious that set was all weight was just dropped after the final rep. If you didn't reach failure, there's no need to drop the weight. Control your weight through your set or lower your weight.
1. Guttural Grunt Guy - I do not lift silently. If I do, then I'm taking it light and might as well go home. However, there's always the one gentleman whose every effort requires a primal roar. I understand the roar on occassion, but every rep, every set is more for show than anything else. Warm up set, primal roar. Stretch, primal roar. Shhh! NOTE: Primal guy is often also Weight Dropper Guy.
With that said, there are still some things that need to be taken into consideration for the enjoyment of all. This is where my faux pas come in....or is it faux pi in plural form....
5. Singing Music Guy - I understand different folks get motivated in different ways. In the gym, music is the motivator of choice. Awesome. Unless you have headphones in and sing out loud. I don't use headphones like many others in the facility, so we hear you.....often. If you can't listen to it without singing, change the song. Better yet, if you are still able to sing while working out, there's a good chance you aren't working hard enough. Pick it up!
4. Mobile Phone call Guy - It's a lunchtime workout. It makes perfect sense that one may receive a call that they have to take. It does not make sense for you to take said call on a machine or at a bench with your towel, keys, and gym bag. Move your shit and let somebody get their pump on.
3. "I don't work in" Guy - Let me paint a picture: You're getting it in. Doing work. You head over to the cable fly machine. And it's in use by some dude and his friend. You ask to work in. Dude says "We only have three more sets" Ass. Three more sets times two dudes is six sets. Add an additional 5 minutes for the idle chitchat workout partners usually bring and we're talking a ten minute wait. Just let me get my sets in with you and keep it moving. Again, Ass I say.
2. Weight Dropper Guy - You're focused. Then CLANG BANG CLANG CLANG. Weight dropper guy just finished a set. In an effort to show how serious that set was all weight was just dropped after the final rep. If you didn't reach failure, there's no need to drop the weight. Control your weight through your set or lower your weight.
1. Guttural Grunt Guy - I do not lift silently. If I do, then I'm taking it light and might as well go home. However, there's always the one gentleman whose every effort requires a primal roar. I understand the roar on occassion, but every rep, every set is more for show than anything else. Warm up set, primal roar. Stretch, primal roar. Shhh! NOTE: Primal guy is often also Weight Dropper Guy.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Gluten - I blame Oprah
Over and over throughout a day, I feel I have been recently bombarded with 'gluten-free'. Being the googligan that I am, I decided it was time to google gluten and figure out why my body should be free of it.
As it turns out, my body should not be free of it. In fact, in some cases it may be harmful for my body to be free of it. According to WebMD, a gluten-free diet has long been a staple resolution for particular medical conditions. Specifically, celiac's disease may be improved by a gluten-free diet.
So why the recent craze? Oprah's ass! She mentioned it on her brainwashing telecast that she was going on a temporary gluten-free diet and boom, the world needs to be gluten-free. Again, I blame Oprah!
As a side note, there are purported other benefits to a gluten free diet but these haven't been confirmed wholistically by the medical community.
As it turns out, my body should not be free of it. In fact, in some cases it may be harmful for my body to be free of it. According to WebMD, a gluten-free diet has long been a staple resolution for particular medical conditions. Specifically, celiac's disease may be improved by a gluten-free diet.
So why the recent craze? Oprah's ass! She mentioned it on her brainwashing telecast that she was going on a temporary gluten-free diet and boom, the world needs to be gluten-free. Again, I blame Oprah!
As a side note, there are purported other benefits to a gluten free diet but these haven't been confirmed wholistically by the medical community.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
Caylee Passes as Justice Goes Unserved
Three years ago I was saddened. A little girl with unforgettable brown eyes on a precious face was missing. As the story unfolded, the little girl's mother became a suspect. WIth details, the extent to which Caylee Marie Anthony began to touch my heart rose more than I thought possible. I felt for her. I despised her mother. Casey Anthony.
Three years later, I became entangled in the drama of Casey Anthony's murder trial. The legal hoops, twists, and turns all became something I couldn't pull myself from. Today, in my opinion, a miscarriage of justice occurred. Casey Anthony was found guilty of only lying to the police. A defense team pulls off what many considered to be the impossible, and tops it off with a dressing down of the media in the post-verdict press conference. Casey is seen smiling but not rejoicing with the parents she allowed her defense team to throw under the bus.
And a little girl's homicide goes unexplained.
Photos of a young mother partying while her two year old daughter is missing didn't faze the jury. Tats a week later. Nothing. Thirty days (!) before even a missing report is filed. Eh, it happens. A creation of a fake nanny by whom the child had been abducted. Just a white lie. The actions, lies, and general lack of emotion this young mother, a word I use as loosely as possible in this case, was not enough to convince this jury of even lesser child abuse charges.
We often speak of reasonable doubt. If there is a shred of reasonable doubt that a person did not commit the crime, they should be found not guilty. The burden of proof falls on the prosecution. Though this may be the greatest system in the world (and I still have to believe that though it is harder at this particular time), it has it's flaws. Today, reasonable doubt is the flaw that was abused. A body found in a garbage bag in the swamp with duct tape present says to me murder. A mother who spends thirty days without notifying anyone that her nearly three year old daughter is missing AND has few enough worries to party and get tattoos during the time that any other mother would be grieving and\or searching says to me murderer.
Do we need to know how someone was killed in order to know that they were killed?
Caylee Marie Anthony, rest in peace. Tonight when my daughter and son get home, I will hug them. I will love them. And then I'll hug them again for you, for the hugs you should be getting.
Three years later, I became entangled in the drama of Casey Anthony's murder trial. The legal hoops, twists, and turns all became something I couldn't pull myself from. Today, in my opinion, a miscarriage of justice occurred. Casey Anthony was found guilty of only lying to the police. A defense team pulls off what many considered to be the impossible, and tops it off with a dressing down of the media in the post-verdict press conference. Casey is seen smiling but not rejoicing with the parents she allowed her defense team to throw under the bus.
And a little girl's homicide goes unexplained.
Photos of a young mother partying while her two year old daughter is missing didn't faze the jury. Tats a week later. Nothing. Thirty days (!) before even a missing report is filed. Eh, it happens. A creation of a fake nanny by whom the child had been abducted. Just a white lie. The actions, lies, and general lack of emotion this young mother, a word I use as loosely as possible in this case, was not enough to convince this jury of even lesser child abuse charges.
We often speak of reasonable doubt. If there is a shred of reasonable doubt that a person did not commit the crime, they should be found not guilty. The burden of proof falls on the prosecution. Though this may be the greatest system in the world (and I still have to believe that though it is harder at this particular time), it has it's flaws. Today, reasonable doubt is the flaw that was abused. A body found in a garbage bag in the swamp with duct tape present says to me murder. A mother who spends thirty days without notifying anyone that her nearly three year old daughter is missing AND has few enough worries to party and get tattoos during the time that any other mother would be grieving and\or searching says to me murderer.
Do we need to know how someone was killed in order to know that they were killed?
Caylee Marie Anthony, rest in peace. Tonight when my daughter and son get home, I will hug them. I will love them. And then I'll hug them again for you, for the hugs you should be getting.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Lessons Learned From Disney 2011
- People are, by nature, self absorbed and as a result inconsiderate.
- People are usually their kindest, and as a result, most considerate when you least expect it.
- For the happiest place on earth, there were more cries, tantrums, angry voices, reprimands,scoldings, timeouts, and emotional rollercoasters in a concentrated area than I've ever seen. I think marketing may want to check with legal about that claim.
- The phenomenon that is Disney must be something set up in a person's subconscious at a very young age. I missed that day in my childhood because the world of Disney does not affect me as it has affected so many. I was amazed at how many parents wanted pictures taken with Disney characters.
- I would have never thought that people actually go to Disney World for their weddings and honeymoons. I just assumed all patrons had kids but ass was made of I.
- Nothing teaches patience like keeping a child entertained or at least moderately well behaved in a 45 minute line for a 2 minute ride.
- Something is being pumped into the air at the Magic Kingdom that caused me to stay hungry. Within an hour of eating, I would be starving. I would expect that if I had been working out especially hard or something but I wasn't. This was just me being insatiable.
- For all the pictures I took, it will take months to go through them all. And most of the video is too shaky to be worth a damn.
- For best results, leave before 5pm on your final day to avoid late night driving and total exhaustion. And the need to consume no less than 1 five hour energy, 1 44 oz coke, 2 bags of cotton candy, and 1/2 bag of smarties so you can stay on your toes and above the speed limit.
- Given the relative chaos that is daily Disney, the Magic Kingdom employees were by far much more customer service oriented, nicer, and generally pleasant to be around than those at other parks. Actually, regardless of the relative chaos, those folks were darn nice.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Unintentional Hiatus
So four and a half months into 2011, and this is the first post to Xpinionated. Sad as I had previously managed to post at least once a month since 2004 I reckon. I don't know what the source of this hiatus is particularly. I think it may be multiple things....new hobbies, facebook, writer's block...all potential causes but who really knows.
Maybe I have just said all I have to say in blog format. There are many times I think to speak but I just don't get around to it.
Family wise all our doing awesome. Kids are growing up too fast. Way too fast.
Work is work, nothing to report there.
The general state of the world still bothers me most of the time but I think I've grown immune to it. I just don't seem to get fired up about the state of affairs in this world.
And I really don't feel like blogging now...
Maybe I have just said all I have to say in blog format. There are many times I think to speak but I just don't get around to it.
Family wise all our doing awesome. Kids are growing up too fast. Way too fast.
Work is work, nothing to report there.
The general state of the world still bothers me most of the time but I think I've grown immune to it. I just don't seem to get fired up about the state of affairs in this world.
And I really don't feel like blogging now...
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