It's a quiet Sunday evening. My wife, Devin, and I are enjoying a little 60 minutes before Amazing Race comes on. A commercial comes on. Below is the script of the commercial:
Woman from some CBS show: "Ladies, do you want to make Christmas special for your husband this year? Call his doctor and schedule a prostate exam."
My reaction (sorry ladies) was 'BITCH'. You got me a finger in the ass for Christmas?! Really?! Now the women in my life who know me personally know that I make an effort to never use the B-word. But this woman is on TV telling woman that the gift to get is a prostate exam. I'm supposed to get you a diamond or a lexus and you're gonna get me . . . . a prostate exam. That gets an insult hurled!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Daytime TV Nuggets
"I'm Donna Abraham, and I keep it real" -- Law offices of Donna Abraham
Yeah, so, I don't want my lawyer saying that she keeps it real. I expect to hear that phrase at a club, in a barbershop, or on a hip-hop track. I do not want that said on my behalf in a courtroom. "Your honor, my client is not at fault. That's my word, son! I keep it real!"
--
On Jerry Springer, the Reverend Snore is about to wed a gay couple in which one of the bewedded believes he is a woman trapped in a man's body. His godmother refuses to accept his closet exit and his desire to be female. In an effort to stop the wedding, the godmother starts chasing the Reverend Snore around the set to which he exclaims "You raised him! The Bible says 'A good tree bears good fruit, and . . . a bad tree bears a he she!'" Oh that darn Reverend Snore!!
Yeah, so, I don't want my lawyer saying that she keeps it real. I expect to hear that phrase at a club, in a barbershop, or on a hip-hop track. I do not want that said on my behalf in a courtroom. "Your honor, my client is not at fault. That's my word, son! I keep it real!"
--
On Jerry Springer, the Reverend Snore is about to wed a gay couple in which one of the bewedded believes he is a woman trapped in a man's body. His godmother refuses to accept his closet exit and his desire to be female. In an effort to stop the wedding, the godmother starts chasing the Reverend Snore around the set to which he exclaims "You raised him! The Bible says 'A good tree bears good fruit, and . . . a bad tree bears a he she!'" Oh that darn Reverend Snore!!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Xpinionated Sports Recap
As some of you may have noticed if you've looked at the tags, my Redskins, Hokies, and Lakers blogs are now residing here. My time and effort to those blogs had become minimal, not to say I've been a workhorse on this blog either but whatever.
Up first, we'll go with the Lakers. The Lakers had three games this weekend with double digit wins over Phoenix (thurs), Denver..again (fri), and Sacramento (Sun). At 11 - 1, there's a feeling that something special is a-brewin'. Everyone knows their role, and does it well. A coming out party for Trevor Ariza this season has been an unexpected surprise. I am still looking for a bit more from Sasha Vujachic but Farmar is showing signs as being the successor to Derek Fisher. Luke Walton has spiralled to a position on the end of the bench. I'm not even sure he has trade value at this point.
The Hokies squeaked by the Blue Devils of formidable Duke. As this game wasn't televised, there's not a whole lot I can say about the actual game. Turnovers seemed to be what made it a tighter affair than what was expected with four turnovers from T-squared in the first half. That still doesn't explain the inability to score against Duke in the second half save for a pick six. A win next week and the Hokies have managed to limp into the ACC game. Still not so sure that's a good thing. I never want to wish bad luck on the Hokies, but part of me needs Bryan Stinespring fired. And success does not act as a catalyst for severance.
The Redskins finally won a game in Seattle. I believe Seattle has put the 'Skins out of the playoffs in 2 of their last 3 meetings and beat them in a regular season matchup as well. The 'Skins were able to move the ball well 30 - 30 but had trouble translating that success into touchdowns.
Up first, we'll go with the Lakers. The Lakers had three games this weekend with double digit wins over Phoenix (thurs), Denver..again (fri), and Sacramento (Sun). At 11 - 1, there's a feeling that something special is a-brewin'. Everyone knows their role, and does it well. A coming out party for Trevor Ariza this season has been an unexpected surprise. I am still looking for a bit more from Sasha Vujachic but Farmar is showing signs as being the successor to Derek Fisher. Luke Walton has spiralled to a position on the end of the bench. I'm not even sure he has trade value at this point.
The Hokies squeaked by the Blue Devils of formidable Duke. As this game wasn't televised, there's not a whole lot I can say about the actual game. Turnovers seemed to be what made it a tighter affair than what was expected with four turnovers from T-squared in the first half. That still doesn't explain the inability to score against Duke in the second half save for a pick six. A win next week and the Hokies have managed to limp into the ACC game. Still not so sure that's a good thing. I never want to wish bad luck on the Hokies, but part of me needs Bryan Stinespring fired. And success does not act as a catalyst for severance.
The Redskins finally won a game in Seattle. I believe Seattle has put the 'Skins out of the playoffs in 2 of their last 3 meetings and beat them in a regular season matchup as well. The 'Skins were able to move the ball well 30 - 30 but had trouble translating that success into touchdowns.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Exaggerated Definition
A co-worker told me I tend to over-exaggerate. Over-exaggerate? Is that possible? After all, "to exaggerate is to overstate, to describe more than is fact". So is it possible to over overstate? And for that matter, is it possible to under-exaggerate, under overstate? And at what point does exaggeration just become a lie? When the exaggeration does become a lie, is it a white lie or a bold faced lie? Is there such a thing as a black lie? If so, which would be considered the minority lie?
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Dedication
Photographer Ryan McGeeney got caught up in a bit of a bad position. Covering a track and field event, he became part of the festivities when the javelin pierced his leg. But does he pass out or yelp...nope, he snaps a photo of the event. Dedication - when new holes in your body don't stop you from doing your job!
Overheard in the Office
"Yeah, I'm just waiting on Obama's bailout!" -- by the same guy who thinks all NBA players are assholes....go figure.
President-elect, emphasis on '-elect', Barack Obama apparently is the leader of the recent bailouts. What a talented individual. Campaign, win election, and making laws with exactly no power to do so all at the same time!
Idiot!
President-elect, emphasis on '-elect', Barack Obama apparently is the leader of the recent bailouts. What a talented individual. Campaign, win election, and making laws with exactly no power to do so all at the same time!
Idiot!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Announcing Natalia!
Premiering in late February or early March 2009 (scheduled C-section so due date is 3/12/2009 but birth before that is highly likely), Natalia Elizabeth Davis.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Quickies 11/7
I officially am no longer a Beyonce fan. Her latest single 'If I were a boy' is so freaking sexist. I am fed up with the depiction of all men as one single entity. Just as golddigging whore does not describe every woman, ungrateful, scheming, dog does not describe every man. She should be ashamed of herself...I'm ashamed of her.
Dr. 90210 is a bitch. More specifically, the Brazilian one. He lets his wife walk all over him and then let's her blame it on his childhood.
Also, I have made up my mind concerning cosmetic surgery. I think it's stupid. How's the saying go? "You can't put in what God left out!" I hate to think of all the effort put into learning to give a Canadian woman a brazilian butt or giving someone bigger boobs so they can pursue their stripper fantasies of a starlet stripper legacy.
Dr. 90210 is a bitch. More specifically, the Brazilian one. He lets his wife walk all over him and then let's her blame it on his childhood.
Also, I have made up my mind concerning cosmetic surgery. I think it's stupid. How's the saying go? "You can't put in what God left out!" I hate to think of all the effort put into learning to give a Canadian woman a brazilian butt or giving someone bigger boobs so they can pursue their stripper fantasies of a starlet stripper legacy.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Election Thoughts Continued
Barack Obama is the President-Elect. I won't say that I never thought I'd see a black man as president but I never thought I would see it so soon. I wish I could feel the joy that I saw expressed by so many people for this historic event. After all, I did vote for Obama. But the moment where I felt that he would win, I felt an impending dread.
I felt for his family. For their safety and his. Beyond that, I felt for him. I think the pressure and criticisms he will face will be at a far higher level than any previous president. As I've stated, I don't feel like he carries the burden of black folks on his shoulders, or at least I don't think he should. I do feel like he carries the heavy weight of setting a precedence for any presidential nominee who is not a white male.
On a different stroke, I noticed Virginia went blue for the first time since the 1960's. I find this extremely interesting. A battlecry from the conservatives has been that the military must stay in Iraq and win this war. In backout would be admitting a defeat. Growing up in the Tidewater area, I know the ridiculously high military presence that calls the place home. I find it interesting that with such a high military personnel voting population, the sentiment did not go with the conservative mantra of stay and fight. If the military personnel doesn't support the cause (very different from supporting the troops in my opinion), is this a war that can be won? For that matter, has anyone defined what ends qualify as 'winning the war'?
Lastly, I was saddened to see some of the status updates on Facebook from friends of mine who also happen to be Republicans. Instead of a congratulatory word, or maybe something to try to bring folks together in this most divisive of elections, most were exaggeratingly pessimistic. Updates ranging from 'Hope you're happy, I can't wait for the first terrorist attacks!' to '...mourning the country as takes a huge step in the wrong direction'. I wanted to comment to both of these but for the sake of the friendships, chose to let them deal with their disappointment in their own ways. However, didn't the first terrorist attack already occur on 9/11? And given the crises of the past couple of months, not to mention the never ending war, wasn't this country already headed in the wrong direction?
I felt for his family. For their safety and his. Beyond that, I felt for him. I think the pressure and criticisms he will face will be at a far higher level than any previous president. As I've stated, I don't feel like he carries the burden of black folks on his shoulders, or at least I don't think he should. I do feel like he carries the heavy weight of setting a precedence for any presidential nominee who is not a white male.
On a different stroke, I noticed Virginia went blue for the first time since the 1960's. I find this extremely interesting. A battlecry from the conservatives has been that the military must stay in Iraq and win this war. In backout would be admitting a defeat. Growing up in the Tidewater area, I know the ridiculously high military presence that calls the place home. I find it interesting that with such a high military personnel voting population, the sentiment did not go with the conservative mantra of stay and fight. If the military personnel doesn't support the cause (very different from supporting the troops in my opinion), is this a war that can be won? For that matter, has anyone defined what ends qualify as 'winning the war'?
Lastly, I was saddened to see some of the status updates on Facebook from friends of mine who also happen to be Republicans. Instead of a congratulatory word, or maybe something to try to bring folks together in this most divisive of elections, most were exaggeratingly pessimistic. Updates ranging from 'Hope you're happy, I can't wait for the first terrorist attacks!' to '...mourning the country as takes a huge step in the wrong direction'. I wanted to comment to both of these but for the sake of the friendships, chose to let them deal with their disappointment in their own ways. However, didn't the first terrorist attack already occur on 9/11? And given the crises of the past couple of months, not to mention the never ending war, wasn't this country already headed in the wrong direction?
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Election Day Fodder
So I'm standing in line waiting to be the good American and cast my vote for the next chief of the union. It's 8:30 am, I was out drinking last night watching my 'Skins suck arse. With this said, yeah, not in the best of moods.
As my fortune would have it, there are two soccer moms a couple of folks ahead of me who happen to know each other and happen to also talk . . . a lot.
The most interesting conversation was from the unemployed soccer mom. As she waxed poetic on how some video games are just too violent for her 14 or 15 years old, she held in her hands a book by the title of 'Kill Me', highlighted with a bullet for the 'i' in Kill. Irony at it's finest.
Early she stated that she could not believe that there were kids who were left alone at home at the age of 13. I think back and I was a latch key child, along with my sister for as long as I can remember. Maybe you can't trust your little badass kids but don't assume your burden is shared by all.
As you can tell, these ladies soon got on my nerves. And for the first hour and a half, I had no distraction. Just their constant....constant.....constant yapping. Luckily as we neared the actual election room, the general buzz of the crowd ground them out of my earshot.
As my fortune would have it, there are two soccer moms a couple of folks ahead of me who happen to know each other and happen to also talk . . . a lot.
The most interesting conversation was from the unemployed soccer mom. As she waxed poetic on how some video games are just too violent for her 14 or 15 years old, she held in her hands a book by the title of 'Kill Me', highlighted with a bullet for the 'i' in Kill. Irony at it's finest.
Early she stated that she could not believe that there were kids who were left alone at home at the age of 13. I think back and I was a latch key child, along with my sister for as long as I can remember. Maybe you can't trust your little badass kids but don't assume your burden is shared by all.
As you can tell, these ladies soon got on my nerves. And for the first hour and a half, I had no distraction. Just their constant....constant.....constant yapping. Luckily as we neared the actual election room, the general buzz of the crowd ground them out of my earshot.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)