Thursday, January 19, 2012

Mobile Bubble Guts

So the plan was real simple. After all, I did the same thing two years ago. New phones needed for the wife and I. Go to store, point her to the cheaper 50-100 buck Androids, while I go grab the latest and greatest. Keep it moving. No biggie.

So we go to the store and I point her towards the cutesy HTC Rhyme with it's purple and matching purpleness dock. Then, things go bad. She.....starts.....asking.....questions

'When did this phone come out?'
'Will it become obsolete like my last one did?'
And the worst...
'Which one are you looking at?'

Quite frankly, two Galaxy Nexus' are not in our budget. At the time, had the Galaxy Nexus at 199.00 and the phones I was selling to wifey were in the free to 100 buck range.

Now she's picking up the GN, getting a feel for it. And now she's talking to the sales person asking more questions. I can't filter him. I can't get him to be specifically vague.

So her Galaxy Nexus arrived Tuesday. It sat on the table until last night when she asked me why I hadn't set up her new phone. I told her because it was her phone. Deep down it's because I'm jealous. See, she had a Droid Eris that she wouldn't let me root. I have a rooted Incredible. I didn't NEED a new phone. Her phone sometimes dialed, sometimes didn't.

I know I did the right thing getting her the phone since she needed a phone more than I did. Doesn't mean I won't get bubble guts about it.

Walked past the kitchen table this morning, saw the Galaxy Nexus manual. Said to myself 'I don't have a galaxy Nexus, not my phone.' I left the manual there....

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Today's Conversation of Entertainment

Devin: I want to watch a movie.

Daddy: With all these new toys, you want to watch a movie? Maybe next Christmas, we should tell Santa you don't need any new toys.

Devin: Nooo, but we can give the old toys to babies.

Daddy: Maybe we should give the new ones too!

Devin: But the babies will put them in their mouth and slobber on them.

Talia: The babies will slobber on them!

Daddy: Yeah but at least they...

Talia: I talking first...the babies will slobber on them and that's yucky!

Devin: Not all babies 'cause they grow up.

Talia: And then the caterpillar becomes a butterfly.

Daddy: Uh yes.

Devin: Well first, it goes into a coccoon and then it becomes a butterfly.

I'm not sure where I lost control of this conversation but the lesson I was trying to teach was definitely lost in the segue way to butterflies.


Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Thoughtful Revenge

First a warning, language is reverting to pre 2006 Xpinionated form.

An Ohio woman is suing her ex-boyfriend slash tattoo artist for tattooing shit on her back.

No. Literally, he tattooed shit. On her back.  

Long story short.  Guy dates girl. They break up. Guy finds out girl was banging a close friend of his.  Guy fights the urge to blow up about it and instead plays nice.  Girl falls for nice ex act. Gets drunk. Signs consent forms for 'artist discretion'. Girl thinks she is getting Narnia but gets shit.  On her back.

One may ask where she went wrong.

5.  Wanting any scene from Narnia on your back is a recipe for disaster.  In fact, it may be better that what's on her back now is there because Narnia sucks. I assume -- guess I could take the time to watch it.  The Narnia exhibit at that Disney Studios park thing sucked.

4. Relying on your ex-anything to provide top notch service is rarely the smartest choice.  Just as having a tattoo artist boyfriend comes with it's perks, you must also accept the loss of benefits when breaking up with said artist.  Stupidity is often repaid in oh so fateful ways.

3. Drinking with ex-anythings is also rarely the smartest choice.  Best case scenario? There is some casual lovin' and further regret or questioning of the break up. Worst Case scenario? A tattoo of shit.  On your back.

2. Innebriated signature on consent forms.  As a general rule, once you start drinking, don't sign anything that isn't a tab.  Ever.  EVER.

1. If you are going to cheat on someone, have whatever decency is left o at least pick a stranger.  Or at the very least, choose a rarely seen acquaintance.

Revenge when thoughtful is often the best way to serve revenge.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

My Top 5 Gym Guy Faux Pas

Arguably, I may be considered a gym rat. I do enjoy the weight room, the inner battle within oneself to push for one more rep. The good pain, the swell feeling, all of it has become very addictive for me.

With that said, there are still some things that need to be taken into consideration for the enjoyment of all. This is where my faux pas come in....or is it faux pi in plural form....

5. Singing Music Guy - I understand different folks get motivated in different ways. In the gym, music is the motivator of choice. Awesome. Unless you have headphones in and sing out loud. I don't use headphones like many others in the facility, so we hear you.....often. If you can't listen to it without singing, change the song. Better yet, if you are still able to sing while working out, there's a good chance you aren't working hard enough. Pick it up!

4. Mobile Phone call Guy - It's a lunchtime workout. It makes perfect sense that one may receive a call that they have to take. It does not make sense for you to take said call on a machine or at a bench with your towel, keys, and gym bag. Move your shit and let somebody get their pump on.

3. "I don't work in" Guy - Let me paint a picture: You're getting it in. Doing work. You head over to the cable fly machine. And it's in use by some dude and his friend. You ask to work in. Dude says "We only have three more sets" Ass. Three more sets times two dudes is six sets. Add an additional 5 minutes for the idle chitchat workout partners usually bring and we're talking a ten minute wait. Just let me get my sets in with you and keep it moving. Again, Ass I say.

2. Weight Dropper Guy - You're focused. Then CLANG BANG CLANG CLANG. Weight dropper guy just finished a set. In an effort to show how serious that set was all weight was just dropped after the final rep. If you didn't reach failure, there's no need to drop the weight. Control your weight through your set or lower your weight.

1. Guttural Grunt Guy - I do not lift silently. If I do, then I'm taking it light and might as well go home. However, there's always the one gentleman whose every effort requires a primal roar. I understand the roar on occassion, but every rep, every set is more for show than anything else. Warm up set, primal roar. Stretch, primal roar. Shhh! NOTE: Primal guy is often also Weight Dropper Guy.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Gluten - I blame Oprah

Over and over throughout a day, I feel I have been recently bombarded with 'gluten-free'. Being the googligan that I am, I decided it was time to google gluten and figure out why my body should be free of it.

As it turns out, my body should not be free of it. In fact, in some cases it may be harmful for my body to be free of it. According to WebMD, a gluten-free diet has long been a staple resolution for particular medical conditions. Specifically, celiac's disease may be improved by a gluten-free diet.

So why the recent craze? Oprah's ass! She mentioned it on her brainwashing telecast that she was going on a temporary gluten-free diet and boom, the world needs to be gluten-free. Again, I blame Oprah!

As a side note, there are purported other benefits to a gluten free diet but these haven't been confirmed wholistically by the medical community.

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Caylee Passes as Justice Goes Unserved

Three years ago I was saddened. A little girl with unforgettable brown eyes on a precious face was missing.  As the story unfolded, the little girl's mother became a suspect. WIth details, the extent to which Caylee Marie Anthony began to touch my heart rose more than I thought possible.  I felt for her.  I despised her mother. Casey Anthony.

Three years later, I became entangled in the drama of Casey Anthony's murder trial.  The legal hoops, twists, and turns all became something I couldn't pull myself from.  Today, in my opinion, a miscarriage of justice occurred. Casey Anthony was found guilty of only lying to the police.  A defense team pulls off what many considered to be the impossible, and tops it off with a dressing down of the media in the post-verdict press conference.  Casey is seen smiling but not rejoicing with the parents she allowed her defense team to throw under the bus.

And a little girl's homicide goes unexplained.

Photos of a young mother partying while her two year old daughter is missing didn't faze the jury.  Tats a week later. Nothing. Thirty days (!) before even a missing report is filed.  Eh, it happens.  A creation of a fake nanny by whom the child had been abducted.  Just a white lie.  The actions, lies, and general lack of emotion this young mother, a word I use as loosely as possible in this case, was not enough to convince this jury of even lesser child abuse charges.

We often speak of reasonable doubt.  If there is a shred of reasonable doubt that a person did not commit the crime, they should be found not guilty.  The burden of proof  falls on the prosecution.  Though this may be the greatest system in the world (and I still have to believe that though it is harder at this particular time), it has it's flaws.  Today, reasonable doubt is the flaw that was abused.  A body found in a garbage bag in the swamp with duct tape present says to me murder.  A mother who spends thirty days without notifying anyone that her nearly three year old daughter is missing AND has few enough worries to party  and get tattoos during the time that any other mother would be grieving and\or searching says to me murderer.

Do we need to know how someone was killed in order to know that they were killed?

Caylee Marie Anthony, rest in peace.  Tonight when my daughter and son get home, I will hug them.  I will love them.  And then I'll hug them again for you, for the hugs you should be getting.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Lessons Learned From Disney 2011

  1. People are, by nature, self absorbed and as a result inconsiderate.

  2. People are usually their kindest, and as a result, most considerate when you least expect it.

  3. For the happiest place on earth, there were more cries, tantrums, angry voices, reprimands,scoldings, timeouts, and emotional rollercoasters in a concentrated area than I've ever seen. I think marketing may want to check with legal about that claim.

  4. The phenomenon that is Disney must be something set up in a person's subconscious at a very young age. I missed that day in my childhood because the world of Disney does not affect me as it has affected so many. I was amazed at how many parents wanted pictures taken with Disney characters.

  5. I would have never thought that people actually go to Disney World for their weddings and honeymoons. I just assumed all patrons had kids but ass was made of I.

  6. Nothing teaches patience like keeping a child entertained or at least moderately well behaved in a 45 minute line for a 2 minute ride.

  7. Something is being pumped into the air at the Magic Kingdom that caused me to stay hungry. Within an hour of eating, I would be starving. I would expect that if I had been working out especially hard or something but I wasn't. This was just me being insatiable.

  8. For all the pictures I took, it will take months to go through them all. And most of the video is too shaky to be worth a damn.

  9. For best results, leave before 5pm on your final day to avoid late night driving and total exhaustion. And the need to consume no less than 1 five hour energy, 1 44 oz coke, 2 bags of cotton candy, and 1/2 bag of smarties so you can stay on your toes and above the speed limit.

  10. Given the relative chaos that is daily Disney, the Magic Kingdom employees were by far much more customer service oriented, nicer, and generally pleasant to be around than those at other parks. Actually, regardless of the relative chaos, those folks were darn nice.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Unintentional Hiatus

So four and a half months into 2011, and this is the first post to Xpinionated.  Sad as I had previously managed to post at least once a month since 2004 I reckon.  I don't know what the source of this hiatus is particularly.  I think it may be multiple hobbies, facebook, writer's block...all potential causes but who really knows.

Maybe I have just said all I have to say in blog format.  There are many times I think to speak but I just don't get around to it.

Family wise all our doing awesome.  Kids are growing up too fast.  Way too fast.

Work is work, nothing to report there.

The general state of the world still bothers me most of the time but I think I've grown immune to it.  I just don't seem to get fired up about the state of affairs in this world.

And I really don't feel like blogging now...

Monday, December 27, 2010

The Fallacy of a White Christmas

'Tis the season.  Americans everywhere dream of a white Christmas.  Snow on the ground as they wake to stockings filled with yummy treats, thoughtful gifts, and gag presents full of inside jokes.  And after all the gifts have been opened and the kids have been dressed, we can all go outside an frolick in the winter wonderland that is a white Christmas.

Until they realize that snow often comes with wind gusts of 40 mph, freezing temperatures, and is often icy, wet and utterably miserable to be in after it has fallen. So why do folks wish for a white Christmas?  Is it a case of the imagination completely blocking out the reality?  Has Hollywood and the media shaped our consciousness so much that logic and the reality of snow no longer mesh?

Let me paint you a picture, a picture of my childhood Christmas memories growing up in the Tidewater area where snow occurs on a rare basis (although they are under nearly a foot right now as I understand it).  I remember waking up for the fourth time before my parents would finally roll out of bed.  I'd run downstairs and see my new bike and yes more often than not there was a new bike because I didn't need more than a year to tear up the bike from last Christmas.  Awesome, got my bike even if it's not a Mongoose, I can work with it.  Let's tear through these other gifts.  Cool, another successful haul.  Time for french toast, one of my favorites when cooked by my mommy.

Now is the time.  55 degrees outside, sunshine.  I'm riding my new bike!  In fact, I'm hopping on my new bike and riding it down to my main man's house and seeing what kind of loot he got for the holiday.  And then he's coming to my house to check out my loot.  And then we are going down the street to check on somebody else's loot!

And all this is possible because there was no white christmas.......

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Things I'm Tired Of - 11/28/2010

1. The exact same celebration from every football player...jump, turn in the air.  Yep, originality is dead.

2. Reality shows for people with no discernible talent:  Kendra, Jersey Shore cast, Kate, 16 and pregnant 'stars' -- I'm looking at you with my gas face.

3. Praise for quarterbacks regardless of who the actual play is made by (usually the receiver).

4. While we're at it, protection for quarterbacks....if they don't want to be hit they should choose a non-contact activity like Baseball.

5. The emasculation and 'stupidification' of men on television.

6. People who while talking, close their hand at the end of each sentence like they are trying to catch the words as they leave the mouth.

7. Housewives on TV in the city of your choice who are really not housewives in any traditional sense of the word....more like trophies with jewelry on.

8. Being tired...just tired

Ah...that's better.

oh and 9.  Sarah Palin.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Halloween Weekend

[caption id="attachment_1673" align="alignleft" width="213" caption="Don't Hurt 'em Hammer"]HAMMER[/caption]

MC Hammer.  Drunk. On a lake. At 1am. Drinking Jagermeister on a pier from the bottle. To 'Turn this mutha out....'

Yeah, so I guess you could say it was a great weekend.

Some of the best lines of the night:

'Wait, you're really black.'  Spoken by a surprised girl who apparently thought my skin color was part of my costume.

'See you later, Isaac.'  'When the hell did I become Isaac from the Love Boat?!?  I'm MC Hammer!'

'You know I am having an epitome. My epitome is. . .'  'You mean epiphany?'  'Uh yeah, they both start with e-p-i.'  'Maybe you're having the epitome of an epiphany.'

Halloween was niicce...that's niiice.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Life Lessons Learned from Daytime TV

  1. If you are about to loan somebody some money and they say they will repay when they get their tax money back, do not loan them money.

  2. If you are appearing on Jerry Springer, do not walk onto the stage and immediately begin kissing. You will get hit in the back of the head.

  3. If you are appearing on Maury and you're just chilling in the green room, don't talk to the 'decoy'.  Don't show them private parts.  Don't brag.  Shut up and be quiet.

  4. When repaying a loan, don't use cash or get a receipt.  Trust no one.

  5. You can't hold somebody's stuff in lieu of rent.

  6. Apparently, it is a source of pride to have a huge tax debt and not pay it. Truly something we should all strive for.

  7. If you are a male, do not appear on Judge Joe Brown or Judge Judy.  Neither like the gender.

  8. Zaxby's is single-handedly trying to keep as many has been celebrities working as corporately possible.

  9. The budget for daytime TV commercials is considerably lower than their primetime counterparts.  So is the acting talent.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Atlanta Symphony

I saw a facebook post from Atlanta with Kid promoting $5 tickets to the Atlanta Symphony's Halloween show.  On the spur of the moment, I bought four tickets for the family.  I figured part of my job as a parent is to expose my kids to things outside of daily life and especially things outside of my comfort zone.  I figure if I get them outside of my comfort zone, not only will I experience something new, but we can experience something new together and they will be more well rounded than I at an earlier age.  And the earlier that one becomes well rounded, the longer they get to enjoy all the offerings available to them in life.

With that said, I probably enjoyed it more than the rest of the Xpinionated family.  I had never been to the symphony and I can't say I've ever had a desire to go either. I went through a classical music phase for a month maybe in high school.  Other than that, not so much my thing.

But I was excited to go today.  Devin and Talia were in their costumes looking cute as always.  They had no clue what was going on but they got to wear their costumes so I think that was good enough for them.  But once their faces lit up watching the dancers and the music filled the room, I admittedly got wrapped up into it all.

Going in, I had no clue how a symphony planned to keep children entertained.  After all, a symphony performance in and of itself is not enough to keep a toddler's attention.  But the added dancers ranging in age from 6 to professional dancers was just the right touch to keep the kids focused.  It was a very entertaining, family-friendly show.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Grammar Lessons I Learned from TV

'Is' should never precede 'you'. Ever. There is no grammatical situation in which 'Is' would correctly come before 'You'.
In fact, 'Is' should not come after 'You' either, at least not without some punctuation involved.

That is all.

Monday, September 13, 2010

I'll choose Virginia Tech over our association

I probably take it too serious.  In fact, I know I do.  And I've tried working on it but sometimes it still hits close to the heart.  With that said, I'll choose my alma mater over you.  You in this sense being anyone who wants to take pot shots at my Hokies.  I may not come out and say we're no longer cool.  Actually, I probably won't say anything much at you...ever again.  Yep, I'll definitely choose my alma mater over our association.

I'm trying to put into words what the difference is for an alumni versus a fan.  See, to have gone to Virginia Tech, lived it, breathed it, loved it is different than to watch nationally televised games or cheer for them because you're from the state.  Being an alum, it becomes part of you, it's in your makeup, it becomes a characteristic of you. When friends think of you, they think of all the things they love about you and that includes your love for Virginia Tech.  It is part of your personality.

The exhibition of this part of you is seen during football games but it's felt year round, through tragedy and through accomplishment.  I may not tote my VT flag on my car every day of the year for every accomplishment but I am proud throughout the year.  Not because of the football or basketball team.  But because of what Virginia Tech made me.  The person I was when I stepped on that Blacksburg campus was but a fraction of the man I was when I left. The experiences, the friends, the education -- all combined to let me blossom into the person I am today.

So how do you explain to a fan of some team why you take Virginia Tech insults personally?  Unless they've attended a school and have those same feelings, is there a way to explain it?

I'm sure my serious approach has turned some people away from me at various points in my life, and I'm ok with that.  Like I said, this is part of me and not part of me I necessarily want to change. So yeah, I know you're having a little fun at the Hokies expense, and I know I take this too personally.  With that said, keep in mind I take this personally.

Ut Prosim.